"THE AFTERNOON DREAMER" (A Play)
THE
AFTERNOON DREAMER
(A play)
GIAYEETOR DUMBARI PATAH
DEDICATION
The play, “The Afternoon Dreamer”, is dedicated to students and indeed all who have passion for education. It is also dedicated to my five children: Excellence, Wonderful, Faithfulness, Destiny and Shalom.
CHARACTERS:
NEKABARI NAAMANYIE KAGBARA PROTAGONIST
NAAMANYIE KAGBARA HIS FATHER
BARIFAA KAGBARA HIS MOTHER
NVINMENE NAAMANYIE KAGBARA HIS SISTER
KING ALREK TRYGVE GERHARDSEN KING OF NORWAY
QUEEN DAGRUN TRYGVE GERHARDSEN HIS WIFE.
PRINCESS GRETHE TRYGVE GERHARDSEN CROWN PRINCESS OF
NORWAY.
SENATOR ADEKUNLE IBUKUN. NIGERIAN SENATE PRESIDENT CUM
KING GERHARDSEN’S LOYAL FRIEND.
HAJIYA FATIMA ABDULLAHI WIFE OF THE SULTAN OF SOKOTO;
SPECIAL FRIEND OF QUEEN DAGRUN
GERHARDSEN.
DR. BARISI KORGBEALO. MEDICAL DOCTOR, GENERAL HOSPITAL,
TEERABOR.
DR. JONATHAN KAMENEBARI PSYCHIATRIST, SAME HOSPITAL.
MENEBON, B. DERE PARAMOUNT RULER, B. DERE
NURSES, LABORATORY ATTENDANTS, VILLAGERS, CHURCH CONGREGATION, TRAVELLERS, RETINUE (BODY GUARDS AND MAIDS) ETC.
ACT 1 SCENE 1
(NEKABARI’S HOME IN B.DERE, GOKANA, RIVERS STATE, NIGERIA. THE FAMILY IS PREPARING TO GO TO FARM. THE TIME IS 7:00AM).
NAAMANYIE: Mama Nekabari, please call your children let us go to the farm immediately. It is wise to go early before the sun gets biting. By then, we must have done a sizeable work and can then rest a while to resume when its biting teeth must have been weak or better pulled out. Please, hurry about it, my lovely wife.
BARIFAA: Okay, my husband. (Calls.) Nvinmene! Nekabari!
BOTH: Yes, Mama. We are coming.
BARIFAA: (Both arrive.) Prepare yourselves immediately, my children. We are going to the Dee Gio farm to weed the remaining grasses that rain could not allow us to finish three days ago. Is it understood?
NVINMENE: Okay, Mama. Let me just warm the remaining soup lest it gets sour.
NEKABARI: Mama, I don’t want to go to farm today. The whole of my body is in pain due to the hard labour I exerted three days ago on the farm. Besides, I am tired of the poverty in our family. It has actually taken its seat right at the centre of our compound. I need a day off, please.
NAAMANYIE: (coming out.) Nekabari, my son, do people take a day off to eat? You are a man. A man must be strong at all times and very hard-working.
NEKABARI: I know, Papa, but you must understand that I am not a farmer and I don’t want to be, especially with the subsistence kind that pervades our environment, done with crude and crooked spade, hoe and machete, under scotching sun and torrential tropical rains.
In spite of the fact that over 70% of our adult population are involved in agriculture, poverty and hunger still loom everywhere especially among the people that call themselves “farmers.” The reason is simple – the method adopted.
Take Belgium, one of the Benelux countries as an example, Papa. Only about 2% of the labour force of that country produces enough food that is able to feed its population of about 12,000,000 and also comfortably export sugar beet, wheat, barley, fruits, flax, potatoes, pigs, cattle, etc to other countries.
NAAMANYIE: Leave Belgium alone, My Son. This is B. Dere and we are in Nigeria. Prepare let us go to farm.
NEKABARI: I know, Papa, but also consider Canada with a population of about 37,000,000 as another example. With only about 560,000 farmers, making just about 1.5% of the population, they are able to feed themselves and the rest of the population and even export to other countries, living meaningful lives. Take 2013 for example, Papa, Canada was the world’s fifth largest exporter of agricultural products. Currently, Canadian agricultural sector exports up to the tune of about C$56billion, which makes up over 18% of her total export.
As we speak, Papa, Canada records, on the average, just about 5 deaths per 1000 live births, a 99% literacy rate and having a life expectancy of 90 years – life is good!
The bane of our agriculture is the crude methods we still adopt in this 21st century, even up till the twenty-fourth year into the century.
NAAMANYIE: Stop giving us lecture for now, Nekabari. I must confess that I enjoy your lectures and academic insights but there is time for everything, my son. Now is time for farming. I know that you are very brilliant but prepare and let us go to farm. When we come back, you can talk about Canada, Japan, Germany, Russia and all other countries of the world as you always do. You are even more brilliant than many people that call themselves teachers and lecturers. I wonder what they teach and lecture. But on a more serious note, my son, prepare and let us go to farm and don’t be lazy.
NEKABARI: (Sharply.) I am not lazy, Papa and you know that. Had I been lazy, I would not have been able to secure nine O’ level credits at once including English Language and Mathematics, under the strictest examination conditions, without any assistance.
Papa, let me ask you a question. “Did I go to a primary school and thereafter went to the secondary school and came out with an excellent result only to keep it under my pillow and be going to farm up till now that I am twenty six years old?” Under normal circumstances, at this age, I should be thinking of marrying and having my own family but how can I when I cannot even feed myself?
NAAMANYIE: I know, Son, but you need to struggle on and God will help you someday. Had it been that I have the means, you should have been through with your university education by now.
NEKABARI: (A brief period of pondering; optimistic.) I will go to the university. I will be a graduate. I will proceed to have my Master’s Degree and then my PhD. I will be among the crème-de-la-crème of Nigeria, Papa. I won’t stop, Papa, until I be like Professor Ibrahim Gambari, the Chief of Staff to Retired General Muhammadu Buhari while he was the President of Nigeria. It was he who was also the Minister of External Affairs of this country during Mohammadu Buhari’s military administration (1984 - 1985). He holds the record of becoming the longest serving Nigerian Permanent Representative to the United Nations, serving under five successive Heads of State from 1990 -1999; Chairman, United Nations Special Committee Against Apartheid (1990 - 1994) and on Peace-Keeping Operations (1990 - 1999); President of UNICEF (1999); Under Secretary-General of the United Nations (Special Adviser on Africa) from 1999 - 2005; Under Secretary-General of the United Nations for Political Affairs from 2005 - 2007. He is currently a Chairperson of the Panel of Eminent Persons of the African Peer Review Mechanism (APRM).
Professor Ibrahim Gambari is my role model. He is the kind of person I will like to be in my life, Papa, and not even the Devil has the capacity to stop me, Mother.
BARIFAA: (Tearfully; hands on bosom.) Amen, My Son! Aa~meeen! You will be what God has determined that you will be. It is well with you, Son of my Womb!
NEKABARI: I will follow you to the farm another day, Papa, but please, let me take a day off and rest today. I am very tired. Every part of my body aches.
NAAMANYIE: (Considering.) Well, I will vouchsafe your request of taking a day off today but please, peel the cassava so that immediately your mother and sister come from the farm, they can take them to the miller for grinding. It would be hectic for them to still peel cassava after a labourious day.
NEKABARI: Okay, Papa. I will peel the cassava and make it ready for grinding before they come. (Grins.) Go well, Papa and be careful with your cutlass.
NAAMANYIE: (Chuckles.) I will, My Son. (Exeunt.)
ACT 1 SCENE 2
(UNDER THE MANGO TREE IN THE COMPOUND, HE STARTS PEELING THE CASSAVA AMIDST SADNESS AND HOPE WITH A STRONG OPTIMISM FOR SUCCESS. THE TIME IS NOW 10:00 AM. HE FEELS SLEEPY; SLEEPS ON THE MAT AND STARTS DREAMING OF BEING GOVERNOR OF RIVERS STATE AND OWNING BUSINESSES; TRAVELS FIRST-CLASS IN AIR FRANCE; LANDS AT THE AMSTERDAM AIRPORT, EVERT VAN DE BEEKSTRAAT, SCHIPHOL, AMSTERDAM, HOLLAND; SEES PRINCESS GRETHE, CROWN PRINCESS OF NORWAY ON THE TARMAC.)
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Hello, Dear, I’m pleased to see you again. I’m His Excellency, Dr. (Hon.) Nekabari Darlington Naamanyie Kagbara – Executive Governor of Rivers State of Nigeria.
Could you be so kind as to let me at least know you and possibly let your bodyguards and maids stay out of earshot? I would like to have a two-minute tete-a-tete with you if you don’t mind.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Sharply.) I do mind. Do you go about excusing every lady you see in public places to have a tete-a-tete with her?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Point of correction, lovely lady. I am not excusing every lady I see. There are upwards of a hundred ladies in this airport and at least over fifty on the tarmac right now. I excused only you. Please, treat me as a gentleman that I am and vouchsafe my request.
PRINCESS GRETHE: In as much as I respect you, I say, “no.” My bodyguards and attendants stay where they are. I am a princess from a respectful royal family and should not be seen awkwardly with men, whether highly or lowly-placed. I try hard to maintain a façade of purity. (Thinks a little.) I may consider disclosing only my name and nationality to you, nothing more. I am Princess Grethe Trygve Gehardsen, the Crown Princess of Norway. (Turns to leave.)
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (Smiling.) Please, wait. Could you be so kind as to let me have, at least, your business card?
PRINCESS GRETHE: (sharply.) No way! I do not give my cards to strangers, especially those I have met for less than three times and more especially those I do not have any business with.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I am not a stranger to you. Besides, we have met countless times in the other world. Physically, we also met a fortnight ago. Besides, you have business with me.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Nonplussed.) And where did we meet a fortnight ago?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: At the sky-scraper-laden New York City – the largest metropolis of America and centre of global finance, communication and business.
PRINCESS GRETHE: And where exactly did you meet me in the New York City?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (Smiling.) Oh Dear, at the largest known museum in America, with holdings in millions - I mean The Metropolitan Museum of Art. Oh, you really looked good in your native Norwegian attire – The Bunad; even the heavens applauded you, My Dear!
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Chuckles; grins.) I had a meeting with the Chief Curator of the museum and the Secretary of the United States Department of Art and Culture to conclude the Norwegian-American Art Exhibition Treaty. (Then calls.) Bergliot, give me a card.
BERGLIOT: Here it is, My Crown Princess. (She takes it.)
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Handing to him.) Here is my card but I must warn that I don’t want to be disturbed in any way.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I hope you do not consider me a gold digger. I am the Governor of Rivers State of Nigeria, the owner of a blue-chip university and the CEO/Chairman of a multi-billion dollar conglomerate. I hate blowing my trumpet but you are forcing me to. Could you be so kind as to let me know the hotel that you lodge?
PRINCESS GRETHE: I’m sorry; I do not disclose that for moral and security reasons.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (Feigning anger.) So do you consider an ordinary International Art Exhibition Treaty more important than a Life-time Treaty of Pure Bliss and Endless Ecstasy?
PRINCESS GRETHE: A Life-time Treaty of Pure Bliss and Endless Ecstasy? Which one is that?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: That is the more reason why we need to talk, more especially away from indiscreet ears.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Thinks for some seconds.) Alright, then; I lodge at the Sheraton Amsterdam Airport Hotel and Conference Centre, Schiphol Boulevard 101, 1118BG, Amsterdam. I will be available for talks between 4pm and 6pm.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (Smiles.) I’m happy now. I will be there by 4pm. Thank you, Princess Grethe. See you then. (She is nonplussed. Exeunt.)
ACT 1 SCENE 3
(AT THE SHERATON AMSTERDAM AIRPORT HOTEL AND CONFERENCE CENTRE, SCHIPHOL. THE TIME IS 11AM. NEKABARI ARRIVES.)
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Hello, how are you this hour, Princess Grethe?
PRINCESS GRETHE: I’m fine, Dr. Eeeh…! Eeeh…!
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Oh, Dr. (Hon.) Nekabari, My Dear.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Please, forgive me; I have not yet mastered your name.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Never mind, Princess. By learning repeatedly, the monkey develops the mastery of jumping from one branch and tree to the other without falling and by learning also, the mother kangaroo learns how to jump at great strides with its little joey in her pouch, without throwing it away to waiting predators. You will soon know how to, My Dear.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Grins.) You talked of a Life-time Treaty of Pure Bliss and Endless Ecstasy which you intend signing with my country. Which one is that, Dr. Nekabari?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I can’t disclose that here in this reception. Let us go a little far away from prying ears, where we can have an undisturbed tete-a-tete.
PRINCESS GRETHE: No way, Dr. Nekabari. What is so secret about a treaty that you intend to sign with my kingdom that cannot be relayed to me here in this serene and cosy reception unless it has to be at some kind of lonely place, may be, very far away from where humans live?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Point of correction, My Dear - not with your country but with you. I am a gentle man and I see you as a lady. Please, vouchsafe my simple request.
PRINCESS GRETHE: A treaty you intend signing with me? (Thinks for some seconds.) I am a crown princess and must maintain a façade of piety and chastity at all times. Please, I do not mean to be rude. (Thinks for few seconds.) Then, let us discuss beside the quiet pool over there (pointing.)
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Well, if that is your decision, I will respect it. (Both go to the pool side.)
PRINCESS GRETHE: So, what is this all-important Life-Time Treaty of Pure Bliss and Endless Ecstasy you have been talking about? Please, spill it.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: No, not until you tell me why you refused to let me into your apartment but instead preferred we talk outside by this pool side.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Sharply.) Men do not enter or share my apartment with me.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I am not ‘men.’ I am Dr. (Hon.) Nekabari – a perfect gentleman. So what is it that you fear or hate about ‘men’?
PRINCESS GRETHE: It is not as if … (stops; sighs; turns to leave.)
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (Briskly.) Enough of all this exhumes to life, the world-acclaimed metaphysical poet, Andrew Marvell – a contemporary of John Milton, in his poem, To His Coy Mistress. (He starts reciting; Grethe listening.)
Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime,
We would sit down, and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love’s day.
(She turns and faces him, listening.)
Thou by the India Ganges side
Should’st rubies find: I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the flood
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews;
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow;
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes and on thy forehead gaze
Two hundred to adore each breast
But thirty thousand to the rest
An age at least to every part
And the last age should show your heart
For, lady, you deserve this state
Nor would I love at lower rate.
But at my back I always hear
Times winged chariot hurrying near:
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity
Thy beauty shall no more be found;
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long-preserv’d virginity
And your quaint honour turn to dust
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave’s a fine and private place,
But none, I think, do there embrace
Now, therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires
Now let us sport while we may
And now, like am’rous birds of prey
Rather at once our time devour
Than languish in his slow-chapt pow’r
Let us roll our strength, and all
Our sweetness, into one ball
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Through the iron gates of life
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Thrilled.) Whao! That was a great feat! I doubt whether Andrew Marvell himself was able to perfectly recite the poem which he wrote to masterpiece. (She sits down; looks at him speechlessly for about ten seconds.) What exactly did you study and where did you school?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Oh, My Dear, I studied Political Science and Public Administration, graduating with a First Class from the University of Benin, Nigeria. Thereafter, I got admitted for my Master’s Degree into the first English-speaking university – I mean the Oxford University, England, graduating with a First Class in History and International Relations. Thereafter, I got admitted to the University of Cambridge, England – the same university that Charles, King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and his forebears – King Edward VII and King George VI attended. There I had my terminal degree – Ph.D in International Law and Diplomacy. I attended University of Lagos and the Nigerian Law School where I got my LL.B and B.L degrees respectively. I later got my MBA in Financial Management from the University of Texas at Austin, Texas, USA.
As for my being able to perfectly recite the Andrew Marvell’s poem – To His Coy Mistress, I was very good in Literature during my secondary school days. Not only that, I passionately love Literature especially Poetry, and I will do so even till tomorrow. I write poems myself.
My Dear, I will be pleased if you too could tell me about your own educational experience.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Grins; hesitates a bit.) Well I studied Economics at the University of Tokyo, Japan, graduating with a Second Class Upper Degree for my first degree. Thereafter, I studied Monetary Economics at the Master’s degree level at the University of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I then proceeded to the Manchester University Business School, Manchester, England, where I had my MBA in Management. I am currently on my Ph.D in International Finance and Economics at the University of Paris, France.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (Suddenly exclaims.) Whao, what a nice pair! I studied International Law and Diplomacy; you are studying International Finance and Economics. That means we are international people - both meant for each other.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Both meant for each other? Wait a minute, are you trying to propose?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: That is exactly what I am doing now and what made me come down all the way from Nigeria to Amsterdam since two days ago – to get acquainted with and marry the love of my life as custom and God demand.
PRINCESS GRETHE: As custom and God demand? You want to marry me? Is such done so fast in your country? Today is just the second day that you have seen me and yet you are proposing?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Oh, Dear, today is the third day that we are meeting physically. As for seeing you, I cannot count the number of times and days that I have seen you in the other world. (Chuckles.)
PRINCESS GRETHE: (chuckles and grins.) Dr. Nekabari – always full of surprises! When did you see me again apart from these two days that I am now aware of? Meanwhile, what do you mean by ‘the other world’?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Oh, My Dear Charming Princess! I met you physically three months ago exactly on the 10th of May at the Bibliothèque Nationale de France, I mean the National Library of France. You wore a blue suit and were driven in an ash-coloured hummer jeep. In your retinue were three body guards, all dressed in violet upon indigo and three maids, all dressed in pink upon amber.
PRINCESS GRETHE: So you mean you have been following me around?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Oh no, Heavenly Lady, God has been ‘uniting us around.’
Listen, My Dear Princess, my soul thirsts after you just as the Dead Sea - the saltiest body of water on the earth’s surface, thirsts for abundance of fishes and every kind of aquatic creatures from the tiniest of phytoplankton like the diatoms and algae and zooplankton like small crustaceans, jelly fish, mollusk etc to giant whales like The Killer Whale, The Sperm Whale and even the biggest living creature on the earth’s surface - The Blue Whale, as it is in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.
My soul thirsts after you just as the tortoise thirsts for speed, the ant for hugeness and the serpent for limbs.
My soul thirsts after you just as the fowl thirsts for teeth, the blind for sight and the deaf for hearing.
Ooooh, Dearest Princess; Princess from God! My soul thirsts after you just as the hot, dry Atacama Desert in the northern lowlands of Chile and the vast, scotching Sahara Desert of North Africa thirst for rain.
Just say ‘yes,’ My Dear and all the stars in our own constellation – The Milky Way, together with those of Aries, Andromeda and Taurus, will eternally applaud you for taking such a nice decision.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Grins; thinks conspicuously.) In as much as I do not have any obvious reasons to reject your marriage proposal apart from the fact that it tends to come so fast and unexpected, I must confirm the information that you have given to me regarding your background. Do you have any reasons why I should not?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Oh Dear, go on; confirm from as many persons as possible. I will wait for you even if it would entail me sending my aides to go get a sleeping mat. When you have satisfied your curiosity, please, do me a favour – wake me up.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Amused; Grins; makes phone calls.) Hello, is that Senator Adekunle?
SENATOR ADEKUNLE: Yes, this is me. Who is on the line?
PRINCESS GRETHE: It is me, Princess Grethe Trygve Gehardsen of Norway.
SENATOR ADEKUNLE: Oooh, Dearest Princess. Have you changed your telephone number? How are you? How are your parents? How is Norway? I hope all is well?
PRINCESS GRETHE: My parents are fine. Norway is still as peaceful as you left it five months ago, Sir. Everything is okay. I have not changed my telephone number only that I am calling you with a new and more private number. Besides, I am calling you from Holland and not Norway.
Sir, I want to confirm some things from you.
SENATOR ADEKUNLE: Go on, Princess; I am all ears.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Sir, who is the Governor of Rivers State of Nigeria?
SENATOR ADEKUNLE: He is Dr. (Hon.) Nekabari Naamanyie Kagbara. He is from Ogoni.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Could you describe him, Sir?
SENATOR ADEKUNLE: Oh Yes. He is very fair in complexion and keeps a well-trimmed goatee. He is tall and of moderate size and has a wide opening at the middle of the upper incisor teeth. He carries a clean-shaven head with a well-trimmed moustache, terminating into a white-spotted goatee.
He is handsome, very witty, very warm and also very wealthy. He wears an infectious smile almost every minute of the day. He walks with calculated steps as though he counts the steps he makes.
PRINCESS GRETHE: I see! So, where did he school and what did he study, if you have any idea?
SENATOR ADEKUNLE: (Thinking for about four seconds.) I know that most of his education after his first degree has always being outside Nigeria. He studied Political Science and Public Administration for his first degree at the University of Benin, Nigeria. Thereafter, he proceeded to the United Kingdom for his Masters Degree but I do not know the exact sub-discipline or discipline he studied there though I know that he studied at the Oxford University, Oxford City, England. For his terminal degree, he studied International Law and Diplomacy at the University of Cambridge, England, United Kingdom - I am very sure of that. He is also a lawyer.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Smiling.) So what opinion do you have of him, Sir?
SENATOR ADEKUNLE: I think he is a good, amiable, hard working, God-fearing and level-headed young man.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Finally, Sir, is he married or single?
SENATOR ADEKUNLE: Princess, are you in any way in a relationship with Dr. Nekabari?
PRINCESS GRETHE: No, Sir. I just ask on impulse.
SENATOR ADEKUNLE: Princess, listen to me. I am an old man and just like Prophet Daniel, can read handwritings on the wall. If what I am thinking is the case, I will give you my one hundred percent support to marry Dr. Nekabari. I am your father’s bosom friend and will not deceive you in any way. Dr. Nekabari is one Nigerian that you can count on.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Thank you, Sir. I will still call you in the near future.
SENATOR ADEKUNLE: No problem, Princess. Extend my greetings to your father, the king and your mother, the queen. Have a nice day.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Okay Sir. Have a nice day too. Good bye.
(She ends the call; looks at Dr. Nekabari who is smiling and looking at her too. She ignores him and calls another reliable person to her - Hajiya Fatima Abdullahi, wife of the Sultan of Sokoto.)
Hello, Ma, this is Princess Grethe on the line. How is your family in particular and Nigeria in general?
HAJIYA FATIMA: Oh, my family is fine and Nigeria is fine too. How are you, Princess and your entire family? I hope all is well over there in Norway?
PRINCESS GRETHE: Everything is fine, Ma. Ma, I just call to confirm something from you.
HAJIYA FATIMA: Alright, by all means, do.
PRINCESS GRETHE: What do you know about Dr. Nekabari Naamanyie Kagbara?
HAJIYA FATIMA: He is the Governor of Rivers State. He is from Ogoni. He is also the CEO of a large conglomerate and the Chairman/CEO/Visitor to a private university in Port Harcourt, capital of Rivers State. He is both a lawyer and a political scientist and has got to his apogee in education.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Please, Ma, could you describe him?
HAJIYA FATIMA: Oh yes. He is tall, of moderate size and handsome. He wears a goatee and moustache and goes on clean-shaven head. He has conspicuous open teeth and is fair-skinned. He walks with much grace.
PRINCESS GRETHE: And what opinion do you have of him, Ma?
HAJIYA FATIMA: I think he is a nice man and God-fearing too, at least, as much as we mortals can see and verify. However, I must say that the secret things belong to God.
What I so admire about him is his resilience, doggedness, transparency, sagacity and pragmatism. He was awarded Silverbird Man of the Year Award last year as well as the Best Performing Governor. Such awards, My Dear, are not just given for the asking.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Finally, Ma, is he married or single?
HAJIYA FATIMA: Very single, My Dear, except maybe he married secretly within these two days which I doubt. The marriage of a man as popular and wealthy as Dr. Nekabari Kagbara will circulate within seconds throughout Nigeria. But, Princess, is there any problem?
PRINCESS GRETHE: Oh no, Ma. I just want to confirm certain information; that’s all. But Ma, if I may ask, would you like your lovely second daughter, Aisha, to marry a person like Dr Hon. Nekabari?
HAJIYA FATIMA: Oh yes, I will. In fact, I will even fast and pray to the Almighty Allah and even bring her to our Chief Imam for special prayers to make that happen as soon as possible.
Princess, tell me the truth, “Did he approach you for marriage?” Please, don’t hide any thing from me.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Yes, Ma, he just did that. But Ma, permit me to end the call now. I promise to call you later for more updates. Thank you so much, Ma.
HAJIYA FATIMA: Thank you too for remembering me today. Hold him tightly, my daughter. I give you my one hundred percent support to marry Dr Hon. Nekabari.
Tell your mum that I will send my family photographs and my personal portrait that she requested to her this summer together with the Sokoto Gudali and the Red Bororo goat species. Also extend my thanks to her for the precious sea foods she sent last three months. My family really enjoyed them. The dried dolphin, seal, mackerel, tuna and herring fishes, together with the enormous cod liver oil were a treasure. They lasted long in our pantry.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Don’t mention that, Ma. Family friends are supposed to live that way. We, too, enjoyed the foodstuff – groundnut, millet, guinea corn and maize that you sent last time. You know that our arctic-temperate climate supports a different set of crops and animal species and does not support many of the crops and livestock grown and reared within your own tropics. So we treasure yours sincerely.
HAJIYA FATIMA: I’m glad that you treasure ours as much as we treasure yours. Greet your family and have a nice day.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Okay, Ma. Greet your own family too. Bye. (She ends the call; looks at Dr. Nekabari who was smiling all the while; utters.) I think I do not have any real reason to reject the marriage proposal of this good Nigerian. I accept your marriage proposal.
(Regrets.) I’m sorry for making you go through all the troubles you went through. It is just that I want to be very careful. Secondly, I am a princess and cannot just behave like any other ladies around. Thirdly, (she looks at him for few seconds, then looks away) I am a virgin and I intend being so until after my wedding with my own husband. I hope you are not mad with me?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Certainly, I am not mad with you. On the contrary, I don’t expect any reasonable lady to just say ‘yes’ to a man on the first attempt at marriage proposal, especially somebody that she is not yet fully acquainted with.
But, Princess, on a very serious note you made mention of being a virgin just some seconds ago. Are you sincerely telling me that you are still a virgin?
PRINCESS GRETHE: O yes, I am. It was an oath-bound decision I took ever since I turned ten up till now that I am twenty four.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I never knew that at twenty four one could still be a virgin in this corrupt world – this world bedeviled by mega corruption and harlotry; where every kind of sexual perversion and moral decadence including bestiality, homosexualism, pedophilia and the likes of them take place; where senselessness, lewdness, avarice, shamelessness, lasciviousness, vanity, debauchery, flagrant display of extreme lack of self control and the likes of them take human face and display themselves in their grandest styles.
My dear Princess Grethe, you leave me with no other choice but to fly with you, first-class, in the next available flight to the Piccadilly Circus in the London’s West End, where I shall formally place in your middle finger, the 22-carat-gold engagement ring long preserved just for you. Thereafter, we shall go on our first shopping and then fly straight to the Buckingham Palace, near the St. James’ Park, London, which has been the official residence of British monarchs since 1837; order the spectacular Changing of the Guards Parade, present you to the King of Great Britain and Northern Ireland – King Charles III, and then proceed to the Westminster Abbey, where British monarchs are crowned and have you specially crowned “Queen of Chastity,” under the watchful eyes of King Charles III, with the Archbishop of Canterbury, officiating.
I shall personally exhume to life King William I of England (1027 - 1087), also known as King William, the Conqueror, to bear witness and relate same to the rest of his progeny and lineage up to Queen Elizabeth II, the mother and immediate predecessor of the present king.
PRINCESS GRETHE: I sincerely appreciate your commendations and mastery of world affairs and history. However, not so fast; not until my parents approve of your marriage proposal. (He is a little crestfallen. She observes that; smiles.) Never mind, My Dear. I shall throw in a word or two in your favour.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: That is okay by me. So, when are we seeing your parents?
PRINCESS GRETHE: I expect to be through with the object of my mission in Holland within the next thirty hours. We shall see my parents in two days’ time.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: When you are set, let me know.
PRINCESS GRETHE: I will, My Dear. Bye and take care of yourself.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Bye and may the object you desire in The Netherlands be met.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Grins.) ‘Amen’, to your prayer, Dear. Bye. (Exeunt.)
ACT 2 SCENE 1
(AT THE PALACE OF THE KING OF NORWAY. THE TIME IS NOW 12PM. PRINCESS GRETHE FLIES WITH DR. (HON.) NEKABARI, ABOARD LUFTHANSA GERMAN AIRLINE, TO INTRODUCE HIM TO HER PARENTS.)
PRINCESS GRETHE: Good day, Dad and Mum.
PARENTS: Good day, Princess.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: Welcome, My Daughter. How was your trip to The Netherlands?
PRINCESS GRETHE: It was fine, Dad. I succeeded in the object of my mission. Dr. Nekabari here actually prayed for me. The Art Exhibition Treaty with The Netherlands is now duly signed and sealed.
QUEEN DAGRUN TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: Welcome, My Dove. I really missed you.
PRINCESS GRETHE: I really missed you too, Mum.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Good day, Dad and Mum.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: (Amused; grins.) Good day, Young Man. You are welcome to ‘Northern Way.’ Welcome to my humble palace. Peace be to you.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Thank you, Dad.
QUEEN DAGRUN GEHARDSEN: (Calls the Chief Chef.) Olaf! Olaf!
OLAF: Yes, Her Majesty.
QUEEN DAGRUN GEHARDSEN: Lead the preparation of the table immediately and let lunch be served.
OLAF: Alright, Her Majesty.
(Lunch is now served. Every kind of Norwegian cuisine – Kumla, Lutefisk, Whale Steak, Pickled Herring, Krumkake, Fårikål etc and European wine is served.)
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: Princess, won’t you introduce your guest to us? Ever since I gave birth to you, today is the first day that you amorously bring a man in my presence.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Grins; shyly.) Dad and Mum, I have seen the love of my life. His name is Dr. (Hon.) Nekabari. He is a respectful and a worthy Nigerian from an ethnic group called Ogoni.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: (Assesses him from the head to the toe and back again.) Young Man, you are welcome again to Norwegian Kongeriket Norge. (Dr. Nekabari is conspicuously lost.) Oh, I mean you are welcome to the Kingdom of Norway. Welcome to ‘The Land of the Midnight Sun’.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Oh, thank you, Dad.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: This is the third time that you call me “Dad.” Why did you do so?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I call you “Dad” because I wish above all things to be your son.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: (Chuckles; grins; thinks conspicuously for a while.) Who are you, Young Man?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: My full name is Dr. (Hon.) Nekabari Darlington Naamanyie Kagbara. I am the Governor of Rivers State of Nigeria. Through divine providence and the people’s desire, the thirty five years minimum age requirement for governorship position in Nigeria was miraculously waived in my case. I am from B. Dere in Gokana Local Government Area of Rivers State. I am an Ogoni man by ethnic group, Dad.
By the special grace of God, I am also the Chairman/CEO of Ozone-3 Conglomerate and a private university – Wonderworld Exalted University, located in Port Harcourt.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: (Thinks.) How is your education?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I am a political scientist cum lawyer, Father. I have a B.Sc in Political Science and Public Administration, an LL.B & B.L in Law, an M.Sc in History and International Relations, an MBA in Financial Management and a Ph D in International Law and Diplomacy.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: You should be a lover of education! You have a plethora of academic degrees! (Rests a bit; looks at him intently.) Do you love my daughter?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: What I feel for your daughter is more than love, Father. I love, treasure, honour and adore her dearly.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: I am not in a hurry to get my daughter married. She is a princess and does not lack anything that money can buy. Have you fully made up your mind to marry my daughter? I can’t bear to see her delicate and innocent heart broken.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Marrying Princess Grethe will be the happiest thing that has ever happened in my life, Father.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: Why?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I love her so much. It won’t be an exercise in infatuation if I tell you that I love her more than life, My Father.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: That’s very serious, Young Man!
DR (HON.) NEKABARI: Yes, Father. It is as serious as that. Princess Grethe is the woman meant for me. If I don’t marry her, my life will be incomplete, meaningless and void.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: (Assimilates; faces his daughter.) You heard the young man speak. Do you love him?
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Shyly.) I think I do, Dad.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: You do or you think you do?
PRINCESS GRETHE: I do, Dad. Among the many people that have indicated interest in marrying me, he is the most worthy among them and I dare say that he will make a worthy son-in-law to you, Dad and a good husband and ruling partner to me.
QUEEN DAGRUN GEHARDSEN: Sweet Heart, I hope you know what you are doing? Marriage is a life-time affair and one needs to be very careful before venturing into it, else life becomes sour, sorrowful and void.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Mum, I know what I am doing. There is no such thing as ‘a perfect man.’ Dr. Nekabari here has the basic qualities which I expect my own husband to have – handsome, daring, successful, pacific, comely, lovely, tactful, of good report, highly educated and level-headed. Both of us have promised ourselves to work together to make our marriage successful. Besides, Senator Adekunle and Hajiya Fatima give their support and blessings.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: (Faces Dr. Nekabari.) Well, I cannot marry my own daughter. That would be tantamount to incest. Since you love, adore and treasure her as you said and she loves you as she said, I have no objection but to give my blessing to your marriage.
I have trained my daughter so well that I respect her decision. As far as her marriage is concerned, I give her a blank cheque to choose her own husband.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Thank you, My Father. By the special grace of God, coupled with our commitment and dogged determination for our marriage to succeed, I dare say that our marriage will be very successful, Father.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: I hope you know that she is my only child, hence, the Crown Princess?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Yes, I do, Father.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: This means that you automatically become the king, though labeled Prince Consort, when she will ultimately be the queen.
Being the king, you, together with my daughter, will chairman the hosting of the award of the Nobel Peace Prize of the Norwegian Nobel Institute of the University of Oslo. In that capacity, you will be as unbiased and transparent as possible. You must never influence the selection of the candidates in any way.
Are you ready to assume the throne with her, support her and both of you rule the Norwegian Kingdom together under the direction of the Almighty God?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Yes, Father; I am fully ready.
QUEEN DAGRUN TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: The joy of every woman is to marry a man that loves, supports and cares for her. Love, support and care for my daughter. She has been well-trained and will not be a liability in any way but a precious asset. She will not be your source of grief but joy.
My daughter, despite her education, fame and affluence, keeps her head and is very respectful. She is never arrogant, pompous or vain. I raised her and I fully understand what I am talking about.
You must understand that just as there is no perfect man, so also there is no perfect woman. Study, love and understand yourselves. May God grant you peace.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Amen, My Mother.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: I am very hopeful that your marriage to my daughter will further cement the ties between Norway and Nigeria. My family has a couple of well-meaning friends in Nigeria. They have proven to me that despite few negative insinuations about Nigeria, Nigerians are good and dependable people. This is also one of the reasons why I am accepting your marriage to my daughter.
I am hopeful that your marriage to my daughter will open a wide door of economic cooperation and prosperity between both countries. For instance, Nigeria has an abundance of tropical agricultural products like groundnut, cocoa, palm oil, plantain, banana, pepper, okra, tomato, cucumber, watermelon, carrot, pineapple, oranges, mangoes, cotton, rubber etc. The list is almost endless.
We desperately need these products for three main reasons: first, our arctic climate does not support the efficient and effective cultivation of so many of them, yet we need all of them; secondly, the soil suitable for agriculture, concentrated mostly within Trondheim and Oslo, is just about 3% of the total land area of Norway – that is, just about 11,570km2. Considering the fact that its population of about 6,000,000 needs to feed well, then you will believe with me that Norway will treasure a fair deal in international trade especially with tropical countries like Nigeria, that have in abundance, many of the crops that our own climate and soil do not wholeheartedly permit us to cultivate. Thirdly, variety is the spice of life. We need to have a taste of the endowments of others.
Even away from agricultural cooperation, both countries could cooperate industrially. For example, Norway has a well-developed water power and can collaborate with Nigeria to make the Kainji Dam and indeed her hydro-electricity robust. Not only that, both countries could collaborate and fix the Nigeria’s four refineries. Apart from that, Norway also has well-developed electromechanical and electrochemical industries. For instance, Norway produces nitrogenous fertilizers cheaply from atmospheric nitrogen, using large amounts of cheap hydroelectricity.
Norway also produces large quantity of timber especially pine and spruce, which I think, will be so beneficial to the large consumers of timber resources in Nigeria. We also build ships and manufacture steel, electrical machinery and fishing equipment. These, I also believe, will be of great benefit to Nigeria. For instance, we can collaborate and make the Ajaokuta Steel Company effective and efficient and make your country’s fertilizer companies, especially the Indorama Eleme Petrochemicals Fertilizer Company and the Notore Chemical Industries Plc, Onne, both located in Rivers State which you govern, effective and efficient too.
Even in the aspect of natural resources, both countries can also collaborate. For instance, Nigeria has about twenty eight minerals, many of which are untapped while some are under-tapped. We can collaborate. Norway needs some of those minerals that she does not have.
Apart from that, we can supply the needed expertise and tap the untapped minerals for Nigeria or supply the needed technology on fair terms. Norway, on her part, has a plethora of minerals, few of which Nigeria does not have or has not started exploiting. We could trade. For example, we have iron ore, lead, titanium, pyrite, coal, zinc, copper, quartz, dolomite, graphite, limestone, molybdenite and ilmenite. It will interest you to know that Norway has Europe’s only molybdenite mine and her greatest deposit of ilmenite. We could trade.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: To be very sincere with you, Father, I have never heard of some of the minerals you just mentioned now not to mention identifying them or knowing their uses. How do titanium, pyrite, molybdenite and ilmenite look like and what are they used for, Father?
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: (Grins.) Molybdenite is the most common mineral of Molybdenum. It has a metallic-gray colour with a hardness of 1 to 1.5 and specific gravity of 4.8. It is used in steel making and as a lubricant.
Titanium is one of the transition elements of the periodic table. It has varied uses though used principally to make strong, white alloys and as a substitute for aluminium. For instance, alloyed with Vanadium and Aluminium, it is used in aircraft manufacture in the production of fire walls, landing gear components, hydraulic tubing, outer skin and engine supports. Even the compressor blades, housings and disks of jet engines are also made of Titanium. It is also widely used in missiles and space capsules. Its relative inertness makes it available as a replacement for bone and cartilage during surgery and as a pipe and tank lining in the processing of foods and so on.
Pyrite is a mineral composed of Iron Sulphide (FeS2). It is opaque and brass yellow in colour with a hardness of between 6 and 6.5. It is used mainly in the commercial production of Sulphuric Acid and of copperas, or Ferrous Sulphate.
Ilmenite is a massive, opaque, black to brownish-red mineral, with a hardness of 5 to 6 and specific gravity of 4.5 to 5. It is the chief source of Titanium dioxide (TiO2), which is used in welding coatings, paint pigments and in the manufacture of Titanium.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I am very happy the way things are going, My Father. I have learnt a lot from you today.
Though Nigeria has abundance of crops, we do lack fish. Our fishing industry is still largely underdeveloped. I know that your country is among the world’s top fishing countries. We could also cooperate. For instance, we desperately need your capelin, herring, mackerel, cod, sand lance (sand eel), Pollock, salmon, prawns, whale meat, dolphin, shark etc. We would treasure your cod-liver oil.
KING ALREK TRYGVE GEHARDSEN: Arrange for the marriage ceremony immediately. I am very confident that with your professionalism in Politics and Political Engineering, you could be helpful in our political life, especially repositioning the 169-member Storting – the Norwegian unique two-chamber unicameral national parliament, the Høyesterett – the Norwegian Supreme Court and indeed the entire Norwegian university system, especially the University of Oslo, founded 1811, which I dream of making it be among the world’s best ten universities by all standards within the next ten years. I would be very happy if the University of Bergen, founded 1948, the same year your own University of Ibadan was founded, will be among the world’s top twenty universities within the same period. I am confident that these laudable dreams of mine are possible.
Both of you, with the collaborative effort of the Prime Minister and the Council of State, will review our membership of NATO vis-a-vis our former tradition of neutrality; review our membership of the Nordic Council established in 1953; establish more trade ties with the countries of the tropics, especially those of the Caribbean, Africa and Central America; see to the effective management of Norwegian wealth and export her culture overseas.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Your desire and aspiration are well understood, My Father. I sincerely commend your sagacity and sense of duty. No wonder, Scandinavia is at the top of the most peaceful areas of the world and that is due to the tireless effort of well-meaning, down-to-earth leaders like you. No wonder too, the world has no objection to the continuous hosting and overseeing the selection of the winners of the Nobel Peace Prize by the Norwegian Nobel Institute of the University of Oslo, Norway. Also, the world did not damn the consecutive appointments of two sons of Scandinavia in the persons of the Norwegian Trygve Halvdan Lie – the first Secretary General of the United Nations and Dag Hammarskjöld of Sweden – the second Secretary General.
With God being on our side, I promise that we will exceed your expectations, Dad.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Smiling; Fulfilled; Shyly.) Thank you, Dad. Thank you, Mum.
BOTH: Thank you, Our Daughter. (Exeunt.)
ACT 2 SCENE 2
(THEY ARE FLOWN BACK TO THE UNITED KINGDOM. AT THE RELAXATION CENTRE OF THE PICCADILLY CIRCUS, THEY PLAN THEIR WEDDING, MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE ALTHROUGH. THE TIME IS NOW 1PM).
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Thank you, Princess Grethe, my love, for the part you played in making your parents accept my marriage proposal to you.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Never mind that. I did what I did for the sake of our love.
(He looks at her for some seconds, smiling.)
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I originally wanted to do this under the winged statue of Eros – the Greek God of Love, on that pedestal there (pointing) as is the norm with many people in love but I changed my mind. Such could be tantamount to idolatry and fetishism which are against the Christian faith which I try hard to uphold.
(He takes her right hand in his own right hand; places his left hand on his bosom solemnly.) I call upon Our Heavenly Father this day to bear witness to the fact that I, Dr. (Hon.) Nekabari Darlington Naamanyie Kagbara, engage you, Princess Grethe Trygve Gehardsen, today, the 14th day of August, as my fiancée. (He takes the 22-carat gold ring from his suit pocket and slots it gently into her middle finger. He embraces her lovingly.)
May God bless our Marriage and give us beautiful, cool-headed, brilliant and God-fearing children. What more do parents want in life? May God give us long life, health and peace?
PRINCESS GRETHE: Amen! Talking about children, how many of them would you like us to have, God willing?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Three, My Dear; two boys and a girl. I hope you do not have a problem with that?
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Considering.) Well, it’s okay; only that I would have preferred two – a boy and a girl but considering the fact that I do not have a brother, the three is okay. However, they should be well-spaced. So what do you intend to call them?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I intend calling the first son William Barielba Nekabari Naamanyie. “Nekabari,” my own first name, means “Give Honour to God.” “Barielba” means “God Wins.”
I intend calling the second son Arthur Burabari Nekabari Naamanyie. “Burabari” means “God’s Will.” It is the will of God that we marry ourselves, My Dear.
Finally, I intend calling my only daughter Angel Kalepabia Nekabari Naamanyie. My dear, “Kalepabia” means “Excellent Woman.” When something is excellent, in my kingdom – Gokana, we say “a du kale.” For you, My Love, I intend giving you a Gokana name - “Giobekee”.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Gioorbiki. What does that mean, Sweet Heart?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Not Gioorbiki, My Dove. It is “Giobekee.” “Giobekee” means “The White man’s Wealth”.
PRINCESS GRETHE: The Whiteman's Wealth? What and how do you mean, My Lord?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Why asking what and how and when and why? Don’t you know that you are wealth, treasure, silver, Gold and diamond personified?
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Grins broadly; hits him lovingly; rests on his bossom.) You won’t ever stop to flatter me. I don’t know whether I truly deserve all the names and descriptions you have been giving me. However, I must confess, I appreciate your love. I love you too.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (Smiling broadly). Thanks, My Love. Remember that you are at liberty to give any names you treasure to your children too. I hope you love the names, My Dear?
PRINCESS GRETHE: Yes, I do. I would love to call William, our first son, Hallvard; Arthur, our second son, Eirik and Angel, or only daughter, Kirsten. And what about their education, My Lord?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: My Dear, I will so much like William to attend the University of Cambridge. There, prominent people like John Harvard, for whom the Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA – the first university in North America, was named after; Charles Darwin, the heavily-bearded, Shrewsbury-born theologian, who developed the evolutionary theory of natural selection; John Milton, the renowned English poet, second only to William Shakespeare – the Bard of Avon cum the National Poet of England, attended. It was John Milton who wrote the unsurpassed epic poem – Paradise Lost.
John Maynard Keynes (1883-1946), the notable British economist, who developed Keynesianism or Keynesian Economics, led the British delegation to the 1944 Brettonwoods Conference in Brettonwoods, New Hampshire, USA, taking the lead in the formation of the IMF and the World Bank also attended the University of Cambridge, England.
Oliver Cromwell, the most important leader in the English Revolution (1640-1660); Charles III, King of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and his forebears – King Edward VII and King George VI – his great-grand and grand fathers respectively, all attended the same university. King Charles, himself, received his degree from the university precisely in June, 1970.
It would be a thing of joy for my first son to sit on the same seat that these notable world leaders sat and learn in the same classrooms they learnt and receive the same culture and experience they received.
After the First Degree, I would like him to proceed to the Moscow State University, Russia, for his Diploma of Specialist and his Candidak Nauk, equivalent in other universities to Master’s Degree and PhD respectively, and then finally proceed to the Humboldt Universität zu Berlin, that is Humboldt University of Berlin, formerly University of Berlin, Germany, founded 1810, for his crowning degree – the Habilitation Degree.
I would wish William to study Medicine and Surgery and Radiology and specialize in either Urology or Neurological Surgery or Thoracic Surgery.
My Dear, do you have any objection or suggestion to the education of William, our soon-to-come first son?
PRINCESS GRETHE: On this also, I think I have the same opinion with you. The University of Cambridge, England, is always rated by all standards and at all times as the best or at worst third to the best in the world. But what about Arthur?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Ooooh, My Dear, I would like Arthur to school in the United States of America, especially at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA. Then after, proceed to the University of California at Los Angeles for his Master’s Degree and then proceed finally to the University of Edinburgh, Scotland, United Kingdom. I would like him to study either Oceanography and Ocean Engineering or Aeronautical Engineering or Chemical/Petroleum Engineering. I think the MIT is almost second to none in Engineering and Technology-related disciplines.
As for our only daughter, Angel, I would wish her to study first in Africa at the University of Cape Town, South Africa for her First Degree and then proceed to the University of Ibadan, Nigeria – my own country for her Master’s Degree and finally proceed to the University of Oslo, Norway – your own country, for her terminal degree.
I would wish her to study Law and become a legal icon of international repute or Accountancy and become a high-flyer, first-rate chartered accountant.
Sweet Heart, do you have any objection or suggestion to my proposal regarding the education of our cherished soon-to-come children?
PRINCESS GRETHE: Your plans and desires underscore your love for your children. I don’t think that I have any objections to your proposal. The only thing is that I would have loved at least one of my children to study in Japan especially the University of Tokyo I attended. The university has a very sound educational foundation which I believe surpasses those of many heavy-sounding names.
I had an unforgettable experience there, My Lord. No wonder, Japan, despite its small size of about 370,000km2, that is just about two-fifth the size of Nigeria and without any meaningful resource endowments, is the third richest country on earth – only behind USA and China.
I can school them in basic Japanese ideograms and they will not have problems socializing. Besides, Japan also uses English to a greater extent.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: You are right, My Dear. Then let your daughter step into your shoes for her First Degree. Is that okay?
PRINCESS GRETHE: It is okay, My Lord. So concerning our wedding, where would you love it to be held and how do you intend to organize it?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I think the wedding venue should be your own decision.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Okay, let us have it at the Evangelical Lutheran Church headquarters, Oslo – to be overseen by the Archbishop of Oslo. You know that over 92% of Norwegians are Lutherans. I am also a Lutheran. I would wish my denomination, as usually the case during wedding ceremonies, wed us. Do you have any objection to that, My Lord?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Your suggestion is perfect, My Dear. I am totally in support. Then I think we should hold the reception for two days – the first day, I think, should be held at the Vatican City, Rome, precisely at the 60,000-capacity St. Peter’s Basilica – that cavernous structure topped by a large, ribbed dome. The remnants will be accommodated securely in the St. Peter’s Square, just in front of the St. Peter’s Basilica. Then the second day, the reception will be held in the New York City, at the Lincoln Centre – the largest performing arts centre in the world. There, My Dear, we shall have the honour of being guests to the Avery Fisher Hall – the home of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, where world-class, pitch-perfect soloists and orchestras will thrill our souls.
Then at the centre’s largest building – the 10-storey Metropolitan Opera House – the centrepiece of the entire complex, we shall be at home in the delightful hands of the American Ballet Theatre. Then, finally, in the Juilliard School building of the centre, our hearts will be in blissful rapture and ecstatic paradise.
My Dear, have you ever heard the Juilliard School of the Lincoln Centre give renditions?
PRINCESS GRETHE: I have heard them twice and I must confess that I was thrilled on both occasions beyond measure. They appeared to me as angels on earth.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: My Dear, my soul melted when I first heard the school sing the classical compositions of George Frederic Handel (1685-1759) – the German-born English composer. I felt being in heaven listening to And the Glory of the Lord; Esther, composed in 1718; Let Their Celestial Concerts All Unite; Let’s Break Their Bonds Asunder; Saul, composed in 1739; For Unto Us A Child Is Born; Israel in Egypt, composed in 1739; Messiah, composed in Dublin in 1742; Belshazzar, composed in 1745; Jephtha, composed in 1752 and could not help clapping uncontrollably when the American lyric soprano – Kathleen Battle, cast in the mould of Cleopatra, sang the Giulio Cesare (Julius Caeser), composed 1724. Oh, I wish I were there every day!
My Dear, which composers had their songs sung and played when you were there?
PRINCESS GRETHE: My Lord, the school actually made me hail the Austrian-born classical composer, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756-1791). His compositions – Cosi Fan Tutte, composed in Vienna in 1789, on a commission from Emperor Joseph II; Requiem in D Major; Piano Concerto No.21 in C Major; Horn Concerto No. 4; Symphony No. 40 in G Minor, K.550; Don Giovanni, composed in 1787, in which Don Giovanni, attempts to seduce the young woman, Zerlina, were among the songs played and sung the day I was there.
My Lord, I must confess that my soul was transported to heaven, listening to Mozart’s The Marriage of Figaro, in which Leontyne Price, the American world-acclaimed soprano singer, cast in the mould of the song’s Countess Almaviva, laments the loss of her husband’s love. The rhythm, melody and lyrics of the song, My Dear, I must confess, have the capacity to reunite broken marriages.
My rapture came to its summit when The Magic Flute – (an aria of The Queen of the Night), composed in 1791, a very difficult aria to sing, was perfectly sung to the admiration of all.
My Love, I must confess, you really have eye for good things!
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (Chuckles.) My Dear, I shall take my pen immediately and write the Director of the school to prepare their best. I just want us and our precious unborn children to be in extra-celestial ecstasy and pure bliss.
I shall personally write notable graduates of the school – veteran actor, Robin Williams; opera singer, Leontyne Price; world-class violinist, Itzhak Perlman; soul-melting jazz trumpeter, Wyonton Marsalis and spectacular dancer and choreographer, Paul Taylor, to grace the ceremony in their grandest styles. I pray they all be alive and strong too.
But, My Dear, do you have any suggestion or objection to my proposal and desire?
PRINCESS GRETHE: I think I do not have any objection to your proposal. They are nice and savouring. But how and where would you want us to spend our honeymoon? If you would sanction it, I would like us to spend it in Singapore, lodging at the Raffles Hotel.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Singapore? Why Singapore?
PRINCESS GRETHE: First, Singapore is very peaceful and orderly. I think this is mostly due to their strict laws on criminal punishment. As for us in Norway, we abolished capital punishment for all crimes in 1979 when we saw that there was no real need for it.
Secondly, it has many fascinating, sight-seeing centres. The scenery and panorama are inviting. Besides, Singapore and Japan are two Asian countries that I would wish to practically and fully study their economic management and social engineering systems.
I do not know whether my lord has any objection to that?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I do not have any objection to that only that I have always been dreaming of spending my honeymoon in the United Arab Emirates, precisely in Dubai – “The Venice of the Gulf.” Her extravagantly-designed luxury hotels, many built on artificial islets, lining the city’s shore, are a beauty to behold. Her upscale shops and her more than two hundred gold jewellery and bullion shops in the famous Gold Soulk in Deira are appetizing.
Dubai’s extravagantly-designed, luxury, sailboat-shaped hotel – The Burjal Arab Hotel, designed to look like a traditional Arabian sail boat, sitting squarely on an artificial islet in Dubai’s harbour, is a wonder of a hotel to behold and lodge while The Palm Islands (The Palm Jumeirah and The Palm Jebel Ali) – the largest artificial islands in the world make much sense. The multi-billion if not trillion-dollar resorts have the capacity to register an unforgettable experience on the mind. Oh, how I wish we had our honeymoon there! (Thinks a little.)
I think I have conceived a better idea. Let us spend the first month of our honeymoon in Singapore and then the second in Dubai. How about that, My Dear?
PRINCESS GRETHE: It is okay, My Lord. Indeed you have an undisputable taste for good. (Grins; shyly; takes hold of his hands.) So, which pet name would you like to give me? As for me, I want to call you, “My Lord.” I have already started it as you can see. But do you have an objection to that?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (Looks at her for some seconds, smiling, then suddenly exclaims.) Wisest Among Princesses! Choicest Among Women! Pearl of Great Price! Epitome of Beauty! Queen of Chastity! (Rests a bit; resumes.) The Desire of Ages! The Fountain of Love! The Reservoir of Knowledge and Wisdom! Citadel of Humility and Tact! Princess Ordained by God! (Rests a bit; Resumes.) The Joy of Every Sane Man! My Heartbeat! Gem of Great Price! First among Princesses! Ah! Ah! Ah! My Happiness!
I would have gone completely berserk if I had not got you! I never knew that someone could be so high by all standards and yet be so humble with a perfect sense of self control. I will call you, “My Soul,” starting from our wedding ceremony.
My Love, do you have any objection to that?
PRINCESS GRETHE: My love, I do not have only that you flattered me sumptuously with all those names you just called me now.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Flattered you? I did not flatter you. I only expressed the obvious.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Smiles in diminuendo.) Well, but on a more serious note, My Lord, I do not know how you intend to manage your conglomerate effectively, rule Rivers State of Nigeria and also rule the Kingdom of Norway. My father has intimated me of his desire to leave active public life as soon as possible and make me the Acting Queen and my husband, the Acting King, though labeled Prince Consort. It therefore means that you will be prepared for our coronation at the Nidaros Cathedral, Trondheim, any moment after our wedding in Oslo. What do you have to say about this, My Lord?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: My Love, you worry over little things. Have you forgotten that the world is now a global village? It takes just about seven hours from the Fornebu Airport in the Oslo Metropolitan Area, Norway to the Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport, Abuja in Nigeria - meaning that if I leave Norway in the morning, I will be in Nigeria in the afternoon of the same day. Besides, I can attend to any business using my phone and computer. Of what use is the Skype and other apps anyway?
Besides, I am not the person directly involved in the management of neither the university, nor the estates nor the conglomerate. I have a plethora of professionals doing that. For instance, the Vice Chancellor of the university – Professor Orlando Kagbaranen Kpakol, is a Professor of Psychology, educated at the University of Nigeria, Nsukka; University of Philadelphia, USA and University of Melbourne, Australia, while the Registrar, Dr. Philip Okhavbiogbe Obaseki, has a B. Sc (Ed.) in Educational Administration and Supervision with specialization in English and Literature, a Master’s Degree in Sociology with specialization in Industrial Relations and Personnel Management from the University of Kent at Canterbury and then his Ph.D in Higher Education Administration from the University of Dublin, Republic of Ireland.
The Managing Director of the fertilizer company – (Wonderworld Fertilizer Company Limited), Mr. Otonti Bekwele Weli, has a Bachelor of Engineering Degree in Chemical Engineering from the University of Kyiv, Ukraine (founded 1834), a Master’s Degree in Mechanical Engineering from the Universidad Complutense de Madrid - University of Madrid, Spain and an MBA in Personnel Management from the University of Lagos, Nigeria.
Mr. Andrew Barika Si-ol, the Managing Director of the hotel – Hotel de Bliss, in Maitama, Abuja, has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Tourism and Hotel Management from the Zayed University, Dubai, United Arab Emirate, a Master of Science Degree in Industrial Sociology from the Nnamdi Azikiwe University, Awka, Nigeria and an MBA in Financial Management from the University of Port Harcourt, Nigeria.
For my import business, I place that under the direct management of Mr. Paul Lewii Kobee-tuà, who holds a Bachelor of Science Degree in Commerce and Master of Science Degree in International Business, both, from the University of Calcutta, India.
We import cars and assorted kinds of machines from Germany, Japan and the UK; office equipment and household furniture from Italy; wines of all kinds from France, Australia, Spain, Portugal and Israel and electronics of all kinds from Japan, China, Malaysia, the UK, Korea and USA.
As for my eight estates and landed properties in Port Harcourt, Abuja, Lagos, Benin, Kano, Calabar, London and Sydney, they are placed under the able management of Mr. Clinton Chidi-ebere Ogbonnaya, who has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Estate Management from the University of São Paulo, Brazil. For my two sky scrapers – the 92-storey Concordia House, situated at Plot 4, on the 37th Street, Mid-town Manhattan, in the New York City, USA and the 88-storey Honeycomb Tower, situated within the Pudong New Area, Shanghai, China, I intend keeping them under my direct management.
So you can see that there are no problems at all, My Dear. Much of what I do is to give directives, set targets, supervise and receive reports.
PRINCESS GRETHE: My Dear, I am surprised at your wealth, considering the fact that you are quite young. How did you get here, My Lord? I’m sorry to bother you with such questions. You must understand that your achievement is extremely outstanding.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (Sharply.) Divine providence, My Love; divine providence coupled with hard work garnished with positivism and a dogged determination to succeed.
PRINCESS GRETHE: How old are you, My Dear? I’m sorry for the question, My Lord.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: I’m twenty six, My Dear, though on the 18th of next month, I will be twenty seven.
PRINCESS GRETHE: (Shakes her head; shrugs.) Well, let’s talk about the officials and special guests. Who would you suggest to be the Chairman of the occasion, Vice Chairman, Special Guest of Honour, Special Royalty of the Day, Master of Ceremony, Chief Organizer and the rest?
If you would accept my proposal, I would suggest that we make the Prime Minister of my country – Mr. Gudbrand Absjørn, the Chairman while your own President, Retired General Alfa Musa Bello, be the Special Guest of Honour. I suggest we make the Senate President of your country, Senator (Dr.) Chinasa Okoro, the Vice Chairman. As for the Special Royalty of the Day, I suggest King Charles, King of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. He will lead the League of Royalties comprising the kings and queens of Sweden, Nepal, Saudi Arabia, Denmark, Lesotho, Jordan, Spain, Thailand, Oman, Bhutan, The Netherlands, Morocco, Belgium, Swaziland, Tonga and Cambodia, on that day.
As for their invitation, My Lord, you don’t need to worry yourself. My father will do that. He knows how the league of which he is a core member invites themselves.
As for the Masters of Ceremonies, I suggest Mr. Brooke Baldwin of CNN and Mr. John Wilson of the BBC to be assisted by Kirsty Lang of the BBC and Mr. Cyril Stober, the erudite Nigerian NTA newscaster. I suggest that Mr. Michael Bass, the CNN Executive Vice President, Programming, chair this unit.
As for the Chief Organizer, I suggest the Minister of Finance of my kingdom – Mrs. Gunnhild Gunnerius. My Lord, she is an expert planner. She, I suggest, should be assisted by the American Secretary of State – Mrs. Caroline Peters. Other people in the organizing committee , I think, should be the princess of Morocco, Princess Alia Akbar– my bosom friend, Hajiya Fatima Abdullahi, Senator Adekunle Ibukun, the Prime Minister of Greece, the Canadian Minister of Foreign Affairs, President of Ghana, the Chief Justice of the Malaysian Federal Court and The Speaker, United States House of Representatives. They are free to choose as many persons that in their opinion have what it takes to organize such a wedding.
I do not know whether My Lord has any comments on my proposal?
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Your proposals are in order, My Love. My only observation is that the Caribbean, Oceania and South America are not represented in the list of organizers. I would wish that the Governor of Sao Paulo – my bosom friend, the President of Cuba and the Australian Minister of Culture and Tourism be among the list.
Based on these, I think the wedding plans will now swing into action. Thank you so much, My Dear. Your suggestions are valuable. Let us rise, put things in order and prepare for the wedding.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Okay, My Love. (Exeunt.)
ACT2 SCENE 3
(AT THE FOOTBALL FIELD OF COMMUNITY SECONDARY SCHOOL, B. DERE. DR. (HON.) NEKABARI ARRIVES IN A HELICOPTER WITH HIS WIFE, PRINCESS GRETHE NEKABARI KAGBARA, AMIDST JUBILATION AND UNPRECEDENTED WELCOME BY THE COMMUNITY. THE TIME IS NOW 4:00PM).
VILLAGERS: Welcome Oooo! Welcome, Our Governor.
BARIFAA: (Passionately; hugs him dearly.) Welcome, My Lovely Son; Son of My Womb. It shall continue to be well with you. (Whispers in his ear.) I have prepared your best soups – Muulo tiatuu and Muulo kpo sã-ep, with pounded yam and fresh, soft fufu and fresh cat fish and tilapia pepper soups; (chuckles) – just the way you like it.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: (chuckles; grins.) Thank you, Mum. I can’t wait to eat again your usually-well-prepared meals. I know what you can do.
BARIFAA: (Faces Princess Grethe.) Welcome, My Daughter. It is well with you.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Thank you, Mum. May you live long.
ALL: Ii~seee!
NAAMANYIE: Welcome, My Worthy Son. (Shakes hands with him.) You are the real son of your father! I have personally kept for you and your wife an extra-fresh, undiluted palm wine from Pee Nkornom.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Thank you, Papa. I can’t wait to reach home.
NAAMANYIE: (Faces Princess Grethe.) Welcome, my beautiful and intelligent oyibo daughter-in-law. Welcome to my home town. I have prepared for you, my daughter.
PRINCESS GRETHE: Thank you, Dad. May God give you many more years of active life.
NAAMANYIE: Aa~meeen, My Daughter!
MENEBON B. DERE: Welcome, Pride of B. Dere. Welcome to your root. (Faces Princess Grethe.) Welcome, Our Wife. May the peace of our fathers be with you. You will live long and may your marriage be fruitful and blissful. (Faces Dr. Nekabari again.) His Excellency, welcome once again. The political timber and erudite business mogul of B. Dere, B. Dere community welcomes you. When you have rested enough, I and my Council of Chiefs will like to have a home tete-a-tete with you. Please, let us know when you will have the chance.
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Thank you so much, Menebon B. Dere and the Council of Chiefs. I appreciate your warm welcome. I will be available for us to talk exactly by this time tomorrow.
MENEBON B. DERE: We are really happy that we have a person like you. (Taps his back gently three times.) ‘The lone nut of an old woman should not get burnt in the fire.’ May God protect and shield you from all evil darts.
ALL: (Thunder.) Aaaaa~meeeeeeeeeeeeeennnn!
MAN 1: (Out-shouting others.) Our Award-wining Governor, welcome Oooooh! Even if it were possible for you to contest the third time, I bet my head that you will win.
WOMAN 1: You have done well, Root of B. Dere. Even the heavens applaud you!
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Thank you, thank you everybody. I appreciate your loyalty and gratefulness.
CHAIRMAN, COUNCIL OF CHIEFS: ‘Any person that wishes the monkey’s skillful hands to slip from the branch, he too should have his own legs lose their right steps.’ His Excellency, it shall be well with you.
ALL: (Thunder.) Ii~ssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: Thank you once again, everybody. I appreciate your love. Let us all proceed to my compound. There, I shall have you entertained. It is wise to paste some cowries on the forehead of him that dances well. B. Dere people, you have danced well.
YOUTH LEADER: (Suddenly exclaims.) O shoo bee!
ALL: Ee hee!
YOUTH LEADER: O shoo bee!
ALL: Ee hee!
YOUTH LEADER: (Thunder.) Oo shooo beeee!
ALL: (Thunder.) Ee hheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
WOMEN LEADER: B. Dere women ee! ‘Una dey?’
WOMEN: (Thunder.) ‘We dey Ooooooooo!’
(She sings others respond as they file joyfully to Dr. (Hon.) Nekabari’s residence – A 21st century, five–storey, state-of the-art edifice, decorated with gold, platinum, diamond, marble, glass, exotic Italian wall tiles, iron and steel with innumerable neon signs, shining luxuriously at night with every available lighting colour.)
ACT 3 SCENE 1
(AT NEKABARI’S COMPOUND. THE TIME IS 5PM).
DR. (HON.) NEKABARI: You are welcome to my compound, my people. Sit comfortably and be entertained. In a giffy, you will be given your take-away packages as well as your envelopes. “When the palm-nut vulture visits palm fruits, it goes back home with palm oil on it’s beak”.
May I now call on my ever-beautiful sweet heart, Princess Grethe Giobekee Nekabari Naamanyie Kagbara, to greet you all and also…
(NEKABARI’S PARENTS AND SIBLING ARE NOW RETURNING FROM FARM. THEY FIND HIM SLEEPING, THE CASSAVA UNPEELED, WHILE GOATS HAVE EATEN MANY.).
NAAMANYIE: Thank you, my lovely wife. Thank you, my daughter. Both of you did a lot of work today. I dare say that with the rate of work these days, lack of food will be the last thing that will visit my family next year.
BARIFAA: Thank you, my husband for your commendations and gratitude. I am con… (Notices goats gloating over the cassava.) My husband, what am I seeing? – Goats eating up the cassava?
NAAMANYIE: You mean the same cassava that we instructed Nekabari to peel? Meanwhile, where is he?
NVINMENE: Alas, Papa! Nekabari is sleeping!
NAAMANYIE: (sighting him.) What? What do you mean, Nekabari? Nekabari! Nekabari!
NEKABARI: (waking up.) Yes, yes, Papa. Oooh! Why did you people… (realizing himself a bit.) What is happening here? Where is my wife, Princess Grethe?
ALL: Your wife?
BARIFAA: Which wife do you mean?
NEKABARI: My wife, Princess Grethe, daughter of King Alrek Trygve Gehardsen of Norway. (They look at themselves in amazement.) Wait! Something is wrong somewhere. (Rushes to the Community Secondary School, B. Dere football field. The rest rush after him.)
NAAMANYIE: Stop! Stop this minute! This is not funny! Where are you going?
BARIFAA: Where are you going, Son of my Womb?
NVINMENE: Where are you running to, Brother Nekabari?
NEKABARI: To go get my lovely wife, Princess Grethe.
BARIFAA: Aaah! God! May nothing evil come near my dwelling. (Sees two young men.) Tombari and Barisitom, please, help me hold my son and steady him. (He increases his pace and haste; reaches the field and searches in utter bewilderment.)
NEKABARI: Where is my wife? It was exactly at this spot.
BARISITOM: What happened at this spot, Nekabari?
NEKABARI: I alighted from a helicopter just about thirty minutes ago in the company of my wife, Princess Grethe. All of B. Dere were here, jubilating, singing and welcoming me.
TOMBARI: (Sneering.) Nekabari, did you see me? It is like I was the one blowing the trumpet.
NAAMANYIE: (Sharply). Hey! Tombari , I called you to help me, not to scorn me. I thought we were neighbours.
TOMBARI: I’m sorry, Tee.
NAAMANYIE: (Facing Nekabari). What is wrong with you, my son? When did you marry? I instructed you to peel the cassava in the house which you left in the hands of all the goats in B. Dere for them to gloat over only to tell me, upon coming back from the farm, which you refused to go and I obliged you, that you have married. Please, don’t allow people to mock me , my son.
NEKABARI: Who will mock you, father? I just told you what transpired. You were even at the marriage ceremony at the Evangelical Lutheran Free Church of Norway, Pilestredet 69, Oslo, Norway 0350. Papa, in the eyes of the whole world, you signed the marriage register.
NAAMANYIE: Heaven, please, help me. It is you that drive away flies from tailless cows. Who did this to me? Who did I offend and did not tell me? (Now with eyes drenching with tears.) Who was in Norway with you signing marriage register, Nekabari?
NEKABARI: Papa, please believe me. Something is wrong somewhere. Even when we alighted from the helicopter at the Community Secondary School, B. Dere football field here, just less than an hour ago, you welcomed us. You even brought fresh, bubbling palm wine from Pee Nkornom in the glaring eyes of all B. Dere, not only me.
NAAMANYIE: Nda Bari Ooo! Who did this to me? Who did I offend and did not let me know?
BARIFAA: Who welcomed you, Nekabari? Your father that was in the farm since morning, weeding, planting and turning over the heavy Dee-Gioo farm soil which you know, under intense sun with the usually-attendant unbearable heat, was in Norway attending your marriage and was also on this field welcoming you and your wife that just landed from a helicopter. What is wrong with you?
NAAMANYIE: (fully decided. Addressing the two young men.) Please, help me, my sons. Let’s take him to hospital.
(The two young men attempt grabbing and steadying him.)
NEKABARI: Leave me alone. I am completely in my senses. Don’t hold me.
NAAMANYIE: I know that you are in your senses, my son. God forbid that you should be out of your senses. That is why we are taking you to the hospital.
NEKABARI: I am normal. I am not insane. I am truly…
(They grab him and take him to Gokana General Hospital, Teerabor, amidst continual, rancorous protests from him. He is admitted immediately).
ACT 3 SCENE 2
(AT THE GOKANA GENERAL HOSPITAL, TEERABOR. NEKABARI HAS BEEN ADMITTED AND IS RECEIVING TREATMENT. THE TIME IS NOW 5:48PM. ENTERS NAAMANYIE KAGBARA WITH THE REST OF HIS FAMILY.)
NAAMANYIE: Hello, Doctor. How is my son? How is the test result?
DR. BARISI: Oh, your son, Nekabari, is sleeping. He needs enough rest. We have conducted the test and we found out that firstly, he has a case of acute malaria and typhoid fever. The level of plasmodium falciparum and the typhoid bacillus, salmonella typhi, in his blood is too high.
NAAMANYIE: I am not surprised to hear that, doctor.
DR. BARISI: Why?
NAAMANYIE: Ah, doctor, the quantity of mosquitoes that visit my compound each day, if measured on a scale, would weigh as much as a hundred kilogram.
DR. BARISI: (Amused.) Could weigh as much as a hundred kilogram?
NAAMANYIE: I mean what I said, Doctor.
BARIFAA: Mosquito infestation is the number one problem we have in life, Doctor.
NAAMANYIE: A hundred kilogram is certainly an understatement, Doctor. The annoying thing is that they are so fat and carry pipes instead of the normal proboscis.
DR. NEKABARI: You really mean that they carry pipes?
NAAMANYIE: Ah, doctor, they are smarter than that. My compound is the last in our community just before the community swamp. In fact, my compound borders the swamp. If the sun likes, let it shine at 50oc or if the harmattan likes, let it be the harshest that it can ever be, you are sure that mosquitoes will drive you crazy even at midday.
DR. BARISI: Mr. Naamanyie, this is really serious!
NVINMENE: Yes, Doctor. It is as serious as that.
NAAMANYIE: Ah, Doctor, you have not seen anything. The mosquitoes in my compound are so hardy. They defy every insecticide used on them – Rambo, Shell tox, Raid, Mortein, Mobil, Sniper etc. They know the odour and have developed the skill of resisting even the harshest insecticides. Within a space of two hours after spraying, all the mosquitoes will line up from their hiding places. Another annoying thing is that you cannot kill them with hand. They know how to dodge expertly.
Doctor, in my compound, you are sure to see mosquitoes that speak good English, sing the American National Anthem, stand at attention and at ease and also salute.
DOCTOR BARISI: (laughing uncontrollably.) Doctor Jonathan, come and hear something. Come very fast. Come and hear free comedy. (Enter Dr. Jonathan.) Mr. Naamanyie, you mean the mosquitoes in your compound sing the American National Anthem, speak good English, stand at attention and at ease and salute?
NAAMANYIE: Oh yes, Doctor. If you have any doubts, an excursion to my compound will end the doubt. It is Nekabari I blame.
DOCTOR BARISI: Why do you blame Nekabari?
NAAMANYIE: He vehemently refuses to drink the concoction that we all take.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: Which is that?
NAAMANYIE: ‘Since the hunter has learnt to shoot without missing, the birds have learnt to fly without perching’ - Roots and herbs! We take roots and herbs to prepare for the mosquitoes – Kpa bokoro, Ni baga, Dogo yaro leaves, unripe pawpaw, bark of mango, pawpaw leaves, lemon grass, lime and lemon, all cut into pieces and cooked together. We take two shots, morning and evening; each time with a handful of moringa seeds. Malaria and typhoid are the last things that will visit such a person. Its efficacy is one hundred percent.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: And you think that you do not have side effects? You listed quite a number of herbs and roots and some of them, especially the bark of mango and unripe pawpaw, I think will be too concentrated and just a little overdose, I think, will cause disastrous effect.
DOCTOR BARISI: Besides, how are you sure that the two shots in the morning and two shots in the evening is not over dosage or under dosage?
NAAMANYIE: Herbs and roots are natural. Natural remedies pose little problem in the face of an over dosage compared to synthetic ones. I learnt this from my father and my father learnt from his own father.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: Well! ‘Different strokes for different folks.’ Meanwhile, malaria and typhoid are not the main problems that your son is facing and battling with.
NAAMANYIE: So, what is the main problem that is affecting my son?
DOCTOR JONATHAN: Nekabari has psychological problems - a case of acute positive monomania and …
NAAMANYIE: (interrupting.) Doctor, you said a-what?
DOCTOR JONATHAN: Relax, Mr. Naamanyie. He has a case of an intercourse of acute positive Monomania and Schizophrenia, Hallucination and a full-blown presentation of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
NAAMANYIE: Aaaahh! Aaah! All these for my son? My enemies have succeeded! God, my enemies have succeeded! God, why did you allow them?
DOCTOR BARISI: You mean your enemies? Who are they? Where are they? What have they done?
NAAMANYIE: Doctor, you won‘t believe it. Just yesterday morning, one of them passed at the front of my compound. He looked at the compound but could not immediately see anyone outside. He did not know that I was at a corner watching. He bent down and packed a handful of sand at the entrance to my compound.
BARIFAA: Which among them, my husband?
NAAMANYIE: That overtly-black, amusingly-knock-kneed, super deviant of a human that calls himself “Nduba.”
NVINMENE: What? Papa, you did not shout at him or force him to pour the sand back?
NAAMANYIE: Ah, my daughter, he was very smart. When he saw that I was coming, he quickened his pace and went out of sight. I presumed that he entered Nkpekpee’s compound.
BARIFAA: I see! ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’ May thunder scatter those rickety, God-forsaken knees of his. What an imp! Tufia! May God destroy his life miserably. I never saw anyone so dark, even to the sclera of his eyes and the enamel of his teeth!
NVINMENE: What a wicked demon living among humans! I wish God would just end his life miserably. How I loathe him!
NAAMANYIE: He is really despicable, my daugh…
DOCTOR JONATHAN: (Alarmed). What is happening here? What is wrong with all of you? Why are you all attacking an innocent man?
ALL THREE: Nduba! Innocent man?
NAAMANYIE: With all due respect, Doctor, Nduba is not an innocent man and can never be innocent; not even in the life to come.
DOCTOR BARISI: At least, in this case, he is innocent of all the five ailments diagnosed.
NAAMANYIE: Well, if you say so, Doctor. Please, explain things to us.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: (Pauses; Thinks a while). Is there anything that he has been thinking or worrying about? - Anything that he has been wanting or dreaming about?
ALL THREE: Yes, Doctor.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: Which is that, Naamanyie?
NAAMANYIE: He hates poverty so much and has always been thinking of going to the university and thereafter, becoming a rich and powerful man in the society. Most of the times, he has always been thinking of becoming the Senate President of Nigeria. At some other times, he has always been talking about being the Nigerian Ambassador to places like the United States, Germany, Australia, China, Brazil and Russia. Doctor, my son has even been hoping to be the President of Nigeria someday.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: (nods several times.) I see! I see! (Thinks for a while.) So why didn’t you send him to school, Mr. Naamanyie, or don’t you want a member of your family to be an Ambassador or the Senate President or even the President of this country?
NAAMANYIE: Ah, Doctor, if money were to grow on the tallest tree on the earth I, Naamanyie Kagbara Nkpoogioo, would climb, no matter the odds and pluck for my son. Poverty! Poverty, Doctor; Poverty! It is poverty that prevents my son from going to school, not me. I am an ordinary farmer, turning over soil made almost arid by oil spillage, day by day. It is poverty that keeps my son in the house, Doctor.
DOCTOR BARISI: Does he have a good O’ level certificate?
NAAMANYIE: He has an excellent result.
BARIFAA: In fact, Doctor, according to the Principal, his result is the best. They said he has ehmm... nine eeeh! … eeeh!
NVINMENE: Doctor, he has nine Credits including English Language and Mathematics; all at one sitting.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: Nine credits including English Language and Mathematics all at a sitting? How are you sure that he was not involved in any form of examination malpractice, young lady?
NVINMENE: I can bet you my head that he wrote by himself. As a matter of fact, we both wrote at the same time, hall and centre under the strictest examination condition. In fact, he has A1 in English Language, Literature, Government and History; A2 in Economics and Mathematics; B3 in Agricultural Science and Civic Education and C4 in Biology. He has been wanting to study Political Science and Law. I wonder why he did not study Science and become Nigeria’s only Spaceman, I mean of the calibre of the American Neil Armstrong, Michael Allen Collins and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin or the Russian Yuri Gagarin or on a lighter note, be one of Nigeria’s few Aeronautical Engineers, Cardiologists, Cerebro-Spinal Surgeons or a world-class Petroleum and Gas Scientist or at least a Computer or Geological wizard. (Sighs; Shakes her head.) I wish he were one!
DOCTOR BARISI: That is lovely even as it sounds too good to be true especially with the present crop of students I see these days.
NAAMANYIE: Doctor, my son – I mean the sick man lying down there, reads almost every minute of the day. He has no other friend apart from his books. At certain times, I was forced to pray to God to prevent him from being mad. I have heard for the umpteenth time that too much studying of books could make one mad.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: Oh no, Mr. Naamanyie. That is a fallacy that originates from those who do not study their books as an excuse for their laxity. I am really happy with such testimonies about a young man in this age.
(He looks at the family one after the other and then fixes a piercing gaze at Mr. Naamanyie; then turns to Doctor Barisi.)
May I have a tete-a-tete with you, Doctor Barisi? Mr. Naamanyie, you may excuse us with your family for five minutes. Wait at the reception.
BARIFAA: I hope we have not been much of a pest to both of you? Please, if we have, forgive us. We were just simply expressing our unfeigned observations with our son who is ill and is receiving treatment under both of you.
DOCTOR BARISI: Not at all, Mrs. Naamanyie. You should leave us for about five minutes.
NAAMANYIE: (somewhat relieved.) Okay, Doctor. (They leave.)
DOCTOR JONATHAN: My fellow doctor, I am really moved, firstly, by the poor condition of this family; secondly, by the testimonies concerning the patient especially regarding his academic abilities, zeal to succeed and passion for education. Of course, you know that that is the root cause of his present predicament and the fastest way to get him cured is to enable him get that which he passionately seeks for – education.
I am one hundred percent sure that with such height of determination and desire, he will excel even more than our expectations. As a psychologist, I have personally interviewed and examined the patient and I discovered that their testimonies are not far from being the wholesome truth.
I, therefore, plead with you that let us jointly send this young man to school. We will both share the cost and the burden won’t be felt so much by any of us. I am very sure that God in heaven will bless us if we do. Secondly, Nekabari, himself, together with members of his family, will forever be thankful to us. My friend, nobody knows tomorrow. Thirdly, I think that we will have a little measure of satisfaction that we have contributed our own small quota to the society.
What do you think, my colleague?
DOCTOR BARISI: I was also thinking of us rendering assistance to him but not actually sponsoring the young man’s education but acting as a referee to him; let him be aware of the various scholarship avenues that are open to him and giving him necessary advice, encouragement and information needed. However, I think your suggestion is nice. Let us send him to school jointly.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: Thank you for your kindness, my colleague. May I call the family in?
DOCTOR BARISI: Okay. (He calls them in.)
DOCTOR JONATHAN: Mr. Naamanyie, your son’s ailments arise as a result of his deep desire to go to school and become a success in life. The only surest way to cure him completely is to give him that which he passionately desires for that could lead him to self actualization in life.
Concerning the OCD diagnosed, we shall place him on both medical and behavioural therapy. We will start his treatment first with Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors such as Fluoxetine (Prozac) and Fluvoxamine (Luvox). For more relieve, we shall also place him on the tricyclic antidepressant – Clomipramine (Anafranil).
Both of us have, therefore, decided to jointly send your son to the university.
MAAMANYIE: Doctor, did I hear you well? I hope I am not day dreaming. Both of you really want to send my son to school?
DOCTOR BARISI: Yes, we will. You get him ready. We will start by procuring the JAMB form for him.
(They fall at their feet, rendering thanks effusively amid tears of joy.)
BARIFAA: Thank you so much, doctors. May the living God abundantly bless you. I think this gesture is almost unprecedented.
DOCTOR BARISI: Well, thank you for being grateful. Apart from Nekabari’s case, Mr. Naamanyie, we are happy to inform you that you will be considered for the position of a humourist. We were actually looking for a humourist, not just a comedian, however, we have not been able to find but we are pleased to inform you that we have seen the person we were looking for and that is you.
NAAMANYIE: You mean I will have employment here?
DR JONATHAN: Oh yes Mr. Naamanyie. You have an in-born talent – humour. It flows naturally and effusively too from you. We tried using a couple of comedians, they failed woefully. The reason is that humour is not learnt, neither is it rehearsed or crammed as most comedians do. Humour is spontaneous, flowing from an in-born ingenuity. This, most comedians don’t have but you do.
DOCTOR BARISI: Do you have any idea why a psychiatric hospital will need the services of a humourist?
NAAMANYIE: Yes, if I may say. Humour helps to lighten a burdened mind and makes one to laugh and be happy, making him or her to be more relaxed, positive and coordinated.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: You are right, Naamanyie. The more the mind is lightened, the more it becomes more positive to recuperation. Conversely, the more the mind is burdened, gloomy and sad, the less likely for it to have quick healing and recuperation.
In fact, in the past it was thought that humour was one of the four liquids in a person’s body that actually influence a person’s health and character.
DOCTOR BARISI: The salary of a humourist stands at about ₦150,000 monthly. Such income, even though I know may not be too much, but at the same time, is not too low. May I now ask the salient question, “do you accept the position of a humourist in this hospital and the attached salary?”
NAAMANYIE: Yes, I do. In fact, I have been dreaming of work a long time ago to help me put food that poverty had removed from my table, back on my table again. I accept it whole-heartedly, Doctor, and I am eternally grateful to you for your magnanimity.
BARIFAA: Doctors, both of you have no idea of what you have done to my family. May God bless and keep you from all evil.
DOCTOR JONATHAN: Amen. Naamanyie, you prepare yourself as we prepare your documents and make all the necessary logistics needed.
NAAMANYIE: My generation will never forget this day. Both of you have done what I never expected. Thank you so much, Doctor Jonathan and Doctor Barisi for removing this huge shame from my face. May God reward you bountifully.
ALL: Aaaaameeeeennn! (They sing and dance; praising God. Curtain closes.)
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Giayeetor, Dumbari Patah is a seasoned educationist – a savant of Political Science, Public Administration and International Relations; a literally icon and a professional administrator. He is a native of B. Dere in Gokana Local Government Area of Rivers State. He was educated at the Abia State University, Uturu, Abia State, where he had his First Degree in Government and Public Administration; National Teacher’s Institute (NTI), Kaduna, where he had his Post-graduate Diploma in Education (PGDE) and the Universty of Port Harcourt, where he had his Master’s Degree in Political and Administrative Studies with specialization in International Relations.
The author is the Director, Wonderful Children Academy, Alesa, Eleme, Rivers State – a nursery and primary school. He is also the Head of Department of Government, Community Senior Secondary School, Mogho, Gokana, Rivers State. He teaches English, Literature and Government.
Apart from this book, he has written other books: – (1) Not Of The Same World (2) Fake Prophet - plays (3) Almost Buried Alive – a novel. He is also a short story writer, orator, composer, preacher, blogger and essayist.
The author believes that Literature should be used stealthily to broaden the horizon of knowledge in its entirety, not just for entertainment. He is very passionate about the young ones of the society taking their studies seriously.
The author is on Facebook – Dumbari Giayeetor; on Instagram – Giayeetor Dumbari Patah. E-mail him with dgiayeetor@yahoo.com and giayeetord@gmail.com. Your comments are appreciated. He publishes his works on his private blog – dumbari giayeetor.blogsot.com, under the name, “The Literati”. Get enmeshed! Feel the rapture!
ABOUT THE BOOK
The book, “The Afternoon Dreamer”, tells the story of Nekabari, a poor but promising Ogoni young man, whose down-to-earth dedication to studies and unprecedented desire for success in life, drive him into having an about six-hour dream, in which he dreams most bizarrely, of being the Governor of Rivers State, becoming so rich and ultimately marrying Princess Grethe Tryve Gerhardsen, Crown Princess of Norway.
Before all this, he has taken permission from his parents to have a day-off whereupon his parents have instructed him to peel the cassava in the house and get them ready for milling by the time the rest members of the family will come back from the farm.
Alarmed by the incidence upon returning from the farm, the family gets him admitted in the Psychiatric Department of the Gokana General Hospital, Teerabor, where he is diagnosed of certain psychological problems bothering on his innate desires for success in life.
The doctors treating him, upon discovering his academic prowess and dogged determination for success despite his poor background, which contribute immensely to his present predicament, decide to jointly send him to school – a decision greatly appreciated by the family.
Nekabari is admitted into the University of Port Harcourt, where he graduates with a first class in Political and Administrative Studies. He is retained as a Lecturer. He is admitted on a Commonwealth Scholarship, where he has his PhD in International Relations at the University of Cambridge, where he is formally employed as a lecturer in the department. Determination actually leads to success.
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